Here's my confession to you. The past three weeks have been very hard for me. Let's make it sound worse. My entire 21st year has been hard for me. I've been unfocused, unmotivated, undisciplined, and I just didn't care. I let the stress of the end of the semester, Miss Ohio, and my uncertainty of the future overwhelm and paralyze me. But I was reminded yesterday that not to choose, is to choose. So I'm confessing and committing tonight. I have 7 more days of this semester and 43 days until Miss Ohio week. I'm going to finish what I started and finish strong. I've decided that this is my problem: I try too hard. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes it seems like the harder the try the more things fall apart instead of together. I rely too much on my own strength instead of relying on God, then get exhausted and throw in the towel. But a reoccurring theme for me this year has been trust. It seems like all year I haven't known what my next step was going to be until it was right around the corner. I found out about the Miss Greater Butler County Pageant 4 days before it. I still don't know where I'm going to live this summer, and I still don't have that perfect senior-summer-business-student-internship that all of my professors expect. All I can do is give it back to God and believe that He knows what's best.
So in other random news, next year is going to look a little different for me I think :). I've been leading towards not cheering for my last year of college. I've been back and forth a million times, and it's really hard for me to let go. But today I think I'm finally almost okay with it. I tried out for both the women's choir and concert chorale, both of which are traveling groups with the university. To my surprise both directors told me that if I wanted a spot next year it was mine. I had honestly forgotten how much I enjoy standing next to a piano and singing with someone. It was probably the most enjoyable 20 minutes of my day.
Well I've got to get up and dance in the morning, and I need to recover from my Jillian workout, so it's bedtime for me! Goodnight :)
Love,
Janemarie
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Keep praying, God will help guide you through it in the end :) I'm sure you will figure out the housing situation AND your internship in due time.
ReplyDeleteHow come you decided to maybe possibly quit cheering and go for choir instead? It sounds awesome but just curious :)
Good luck with your Jillian Michaels.. I should probably make my fat lazy butt do her workouts too :(
Love ya AEOTBC!