Starting Well...Finishing Well...

Here's my confession to you. The past three weeks have been very hard for me. Let's make it sound worse. My entire 21st year has been hard for me. I've been unfocused, unmotivated, undisciplined, and I just didn't care. I let the stress of the end of the semester, Miss Ohio, and my uncertainty of the future overwhelm and paralyze me. But I was reminded yesterday that not to choose, is to choose. So I'm confessing and committing tonight. I have 7 more days of this semester and 43 days until Miss Ohio week. I'm going to finish what I started and finish strong. I've decided that this is my problem: I try too hard. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes it seems like the harder the try the more things fall apart instead of together. I rely too much on my own strength instead of relying on God, then get exhausted and throw in the towel. But a reoccurring theme for me this year has been trust. It seems like all year I haven't known what my next step was going to be until it was right around the corner. I found out about the Miss Greater Butler County Pageant 4 days before it. I still don't know where I'm going to live this summer, and I still don't have that perfect senior-summer-business-student-internship that all of my professors expect. All I can do is give it back to God and believe that He knows what's best.
So in other random news, next year is going to look a little different for me I think :). I've been leading towards not cheering for my last year of college. I've been back and forth a million times, and it's really hard for me to let go. But today I think I'm finally almost okay with it. I tried out for both the women's choir and concert chorale, both of which are traveling groups with the university. To my surprise both directors told me that if I wanted a spot next year it was mine. I had honestly forgotten how much I enjoy standing next to a piano and singing with someone. It was probably the most enjoyable 20 minutes of my day.
Well I've got to get up and dance in the morning, and I need to recover from my Jillian workout, so it's bedtime for me! Goodnight :)
Love,
Janemarie

Information Overload

This weekend just flew by. To be honest I was kind of dreading going to the forum, but now I wish it could have been longer. I'll just have to wait for Miss Ohio week :)
I'm always amazing by the similarities and differences that I see between the two states. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to do so. But now that I've met all of the wonderful ladies and got to hear from Becky about what being Miss Ohio really means, I'm more anxious than ever to hit the ground running. 3 more weeks of school...
It seems like so long ago already, but I'll try to hit the highlights.
I'm going to be contestant number 10 (the 2nd of the 2nd flight), so I'll compete in evening gown/osq Wednesday, talent on Thursday, and SS on Friday.
For the weekend I was on the blue team (go myspade lol)and ended up in second place although we completely deserved to win (who's ever done a heart shaped puzzle? lol). Our challenges included a poster making contest, a camp-wide scavenger hunt, family feud, puzzles, speeches, makeup, and I'm sure I'm forgetting something else. Sunday we split in half and my group did the high ropes course at the camp for a few hours which was both enlightening and a ton of fun. If you ever want to get a group to bond, that's a sure fire way to do it!
Becky completely inspired me as she talked to all of the contestants about what it really means to be Miss Ohio. It's something that she got to do, not that she had to do, and that kept her grateful. And when I'm preparing, I'm not preparing to compete, I'm preparing for the job...it's a completely different perspective, but a really important distinction. I just pray that I'll have what it takes and that no matter what happens Saturday night, I'll be able to look back and know that I did everything that I could.
I also started tutoring a third grade girl today. She told me she wanted to be a doctor so that she wouldn't have to worry about money when she was older...this made me kind of sad, but it just showed me how relevant my platform really is. I hope that I'll be able to help at least a little bit as she goes after her dreams.
After this week school gets a little easier, but I just have to get through 2 tests and a presentation tomorrow first, a speech next week, finals week, and then I'm done!!
Oh, I'm going gown shopping this weekend...let's see if I find anything! I'll let you know :)
Goodnight!
Janemarie

It's my birthday...I'll blog if I want to :)

Actually, it's been over for 13 minutes, but who's counting ;) Well, I'm officially 21, but don't worry nothing's really going to change. I took a day off from pageantry to just be myself (which I will probably regret in the gym tomorrow) and charge up for the rest of the semester. My boyfriend spray painted the rock for me at 6:30 this morning (a Cedarville tradition), my roommate got me my very first build-a-bear (which happens to be a moose lol), I spent time at the pet store petting puppies, and I watched an old Jane Powell/Debbie Reynolds movie and Brendan even pretended to like it :) Overall it was a very nice day. I won't get another break for a while though it seems...there's the never ending wardrobe shopping, paperwork filling, working out, dance practicing, oh and that school thing lol to keep me more than busy (plus my part time job, but alas...I digress). Ok enough complaining.
Well I'm very excited to get my first professional head shots done this Friday, it will definitely be an experience if anything. Then Saturday morning I leave for the Miss Ohio forum until Sunday...I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited. I've only met a couple of the girls and they all look so beautiful and...together, while most of the time I feel like a little girl playing dress up. I'll let you know how it goes though :) gotta catch some zzz's if I'm gonna work off that alfredo tomorrow!
Love,
Janemarie