Hues of Grass

It's so easy to get stuck in the trap of feeling like your problems are the most life altering struggle the world has ever seen. Not that anyone ever thinks the world revolves around them, but we are all guilty of acting that way at times. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
I was thinking about this today after one of my favorite professors texted me to see how I was doing with the job hunt (yes, I always have been a teacher's pet lol). As it turns out, his life has been turned upside down in the last few weeks. Somehow he managed to take a few minutes in his day to show kindness towards someone else. His attitude was still that he's "so glad God is faithful through all circumstances of life." I wish that I always had that kind of faith.

It's social media like Facebook and Twitter that convince us that everybody's life is so much better than our own. Yes it's still crazy hard to see all of my friends getting married left and right, and both my Ohio and Delaware friends have their state pageants coming up, but I still have so much for which to be thankful. Even being a poor recent college graduate, I'm still wealthier than 99% of the world. I can feed myself and the motley assembly of animals in my house (two beagles, three frogs, and a passel of fish), which is more than most can say. Most importantly, there are so many people that go out of their way to be nice to me when I need it most, and I don't think they have any idea how much it means to me. I'm going to try to pass on the kindness. Maybe if everyone took more time to care for the people around them, we wouldn't need to worry about ourselves so much because we'd already be taken care of. Just food for thought.

Love, Janemarie

Doing What I Love

As I posted to Facebook a couple of weeks ago, I got my dream job! I love all the support that I got from that statement, but I guess I wanted to clear up a little bit of *possible* confusion. The job I got was to teach ballet, tap, and be a choreographer at Premier Centre for the Arts in Middletown. This is where I studied under some AMAZING teachers including Miss Delaware 1990, Lisa Bonacquisti.

But isn't my degree in finance??? Why yes, yes it is. Four years ago when I was choosing a major I picked business and I told my dad that I'm going to learn everything else I needed to know to open my own studio some day. I spent the rest of my life learning dance, and I started teaching eight years ago, but I had no idea how to run a business. Well I get there and essentially the first 2 1/2 years are the same for everyone in the department, then you choose a concentration. A strange series of events led me to finance, partly because I've always been a math nerd and partly because I wanted to pay off Cedarville as quickly as possible. The truth is I had gotten so caught up in trying to do what I thought I was "supposed" to do as a soon to be CedarGrad. Ring by spring, check. Network like crazy, (Miss Ohio connections) check. Find an apartment in Columbus, check. Try to get a job at a bank, check. I was stressed, depressed, going crazy, and my professors were starting to get concerned.  I had traded in my dreams for what I thought was expected of me, but God has an interesting sense of humor.

 A month after graduation and I feel incredibly liberated.  I had my first "official" day at PCA yesterday substituting for a teacher who was sick.  It was two hours of ballet, jazz, and tap, and I had an absolute blast.  Two of the girls I had when I was student teaching about six years ago, and it was so great to see them all grown up and what great dancers they had become.  So no, I won't make the kind of money I would if I used my degree, but I know for a fact that I wouldn't be this happy either.  For the first time in a long time I truly feel like I can do anything that I want.  I have a few more dreams I want to try to make true, but I'll keep you posted on those when the time comes ;)

love always,
Janemarie

Rumor has it...

Hi everyone! If you haven't kept up with me on facebook, a lot has changed in the last two months.... 1) I'm back HOME in DELAWARE!!!!!! I never thought I would be so excited about that, but after four years in Ohio there really is no place like home. 2) I FINALLY have my bachelors degree...didn't quite think I would make it, but I did, with 10 minutes to spare! (DBA experience....) :) 3)I got a JOB! okay, it's part time, and retail, and I transferred from my store in Ohio, but I have to pay off school so I'm thankful for whatever I can get. Whenever you're at the Christiana mall stop into White House Black Market and say hi :) (I ran into Kayla Martell on my first day!) And that's all I know for sure right now. God's been bringing all the pieces of my life back together (slowly but surely), and I hope that when this rebuilding stage is over He'll let me know where to go from there. It's been really good to spend time with my family too. Don't tell her (she'll get a big head), but I've desperately missed my mom. I watched Mamma Mia recently and just bawled when her mom helped her get ready for the wedding (you know that's a bad sign). Everyone already knows that I missed my other half, aka Larkin the beagle basset. I have a couple of pet projects I'm working on as well. I've always wanted a "breakfast at tiffany's" room, so that's in the works. It is killing me to have most of my stuff still in boxes and suitcases, but eventually it'll be great. My other project is more long term, but I'm trying to get my family healthy. I almost died when my dad told me a lot of times he eats fast food twice a day...I'd like to have him around for a while, so things are going to have to change. At least there's a lot to do to keep me busy and distracted. I'm slowly but surely trying to embrace this new normal that is nothing like what I thought my life would be now. It's always hard when things don't work out the way they were "supposed to", but I've been reminded lately that God's plans are ALWAYS better than our own whether it seems like it right now or not. I'm only 22, and what I've realized recently is that I really can do anything. My tomorrow is the result of every small decision that I make today. People don't become who they are by accident. Choose today who you will become. You can do ANYTHING. Love, Jane

My life in Quotes (You've Got Mail)

This has been one of the craziest months in my life...so much has changed, happened, and been said...I don't know what to say, but lines from my favorite movie keeps popping into my head:

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened... But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died...and no one can ever make it right.

It's so difficult because I think I have a plan that I'm ready to follow, then God tells me that I'm using the wrong map...I've been learning to trust, let go, and humble myself in the knowledge that I am not in charge of my life. I'm looking forward to taking this summer to really look at myself and figure out what I want and what God wants for my life.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

love,
Janemarie

Quotes from: Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail

My Last Full Day

My thoughts have been very full this past week. I've known for months, but it is still hitting me hard that this stage of my life will be over forever. For those of you who don't know, I'm getting married in 4 months, graduating in less than 2, and moving into an apartment sometime between then. So many changes at the same time make me wish desperately for me to be five years old again. But I digress...
I know it's not just me (although it feels that way sometimes), but I am chronic "what if"er. Life is a string of decisions, and a million little changes could have led me down a completely different path. At the end of the day, I'm glad that I am where I am (not the putting off finishing my paper part, but the general state of my life lol). It wasn't God's plan for me to be Miss Delaware or Miss Ohio, but the fact that I got to try has been so rewarding. I've been thinking back on all of the opportunities I've had over the years, I am truly amazed. I've had conversations with a state governor, a state senator, and even a Miss America. I've visited children at CMN hospitals in Dayton & Philadelphia (where I also passed out for the 1st and 2nd time in my life lol). I've been treated far better than I deserve by people who are selfless and kind. I developed a love for fitness and politics, while learning the skills to having a killer job interview. The Miss America Organization has definitely shaped who I am today, and I am so thankful for the time I've had with the people who make it up. My family has supported me through the hard times and prepared me for the mountain top moments as well. My directors (Jacci & Jacky) pushed me farther than I thought I could go. Mamma K and Mamma Soucek believed in me when I didn't. Thank you.

Three of the most memorable weeks of my life were the two state pageant weeks, and I am truly excited for (and honestly a little jealous of)the wonderful woman who will be crowned Miss Greater Butler County 2012 tomorrow night. I pray that she will cherish every moment, serve every person, and learn about herself in this next year of her life.

God Bless,
Janemarie
Miss Greater Butler County 2011

Days four and five

Yesterday the show finally started to feel like it was coming to dinner. We had an early rehearsal followed by lunch at Chinatown, dress rehearsal,and then celebrity waitressing at Applebees. We raised over $400 from our restaurant alone, and half of the contestants were at the other one across town. We were also introduced to the judges for the first time and finally started to set in that the competition is really starting.
Today was my private interview with those judges. Even though this was my second year at states I felt much more nervous this time around for some reason. Fortunately once I got in there I was able to relax, be myself, and answer all of the questions. I always have a hard time determining if an interview was good or bad, but I made it through and I have no control over whether they like me or not...
By the way, I just wanted to thank everyone for all the encouraging comments I've gotten on facebook. I'm definitely feeling the love, especially from my Miss Delaware family.
Highlight of the day was definitely getting to see my parents for the first time since March! We went out for Mexican with my host family, and it was so nice to see and talk with them for a little while.
After that was the teen pageant. Congratulations to Kelsey Barrett the newly crowned Miss Ohio's Outstanding Teen. She has a beautiful voice, and I know she will do well in Orlando. I was also very proud of Matti Crisman who was her first runner up. I got to meet her at Miss Muskingum Valley, and she is so sweet. Of course I was so proud of Miss Greater Butler County's Outstanding Teen, Brooklyn Thompson. I got to sit with her cheering section tonight. I must say, I'm a little jealous of her evening gown walk. It was truly elegant. I'm proud of my little sister, and I can't wait to finish out our reign together.
Tomorrow starts the onstage competition, and I can barely believe it. I'm starting with evening gown and onstage question. I'm praying for a good question and that I don't trip lol. Thursday night I perform my talent, and Friday is swimsuit. Of course you can watch the video stream when you get a chance at:
http://www.ohiomediagroupinc.com/watchlive2011.html
Love you all!
Janemarie

Days two and three

Yesterday was the Miss Ohio fashion show, and all of the contestants had such a fun time modeling the wardrobe we picked out! It was fun being fierce on the runway and signing the state. After that we had another autograph signing with some of the crowd. The rest of the day consisted of learning the rest of our production numbers and trying not to kill each other with the umbrellas. Unfortunately Meggie lost a contact by getting attacked by her own umbrella lol, and there were many broken ones by the end of the night. Thankfully mine has survived so far, but hopefully it'll make it until the end of the show. Since we were doing so well we were allowed to go home early which was FANTASTIC. We got back around 8 and had an amazing dinner with our host family and chaperon. Then we did our Jillian workout again, rehearsed our talents, and talked current events with our host dad for over an hour. It was such a fun evening, and to top it off we got to sleep in today!!
This morning started off with brunch at Applebees. Alyssa and I were the last girls there and they had run out of room at the big booth with all of the other girls. We started our own table and ended up spending the meal chatting with Miss Ohio, Miss Ohio's Outstanding Teen, and the photographer. It was an awesome time, and the food was delicious. :) After some more photos and an autograph session with the girlscouts we started lining up for the Miss Ohio parade. My driver is a member of the capital city corvette club and drove up from Columbus to drive me. He was so sweet, and I was so blessed by it. It was a gorgeous little red corvette. I absolutely LOVE parades, and I had a blast getting to see the people of Mansfield from such a great view. My host mom Sue actually drove her cute little convertible for Miss Vacationland and took a ton of great pictures. After the parade we went to the Elks for lunch and had a good time with each other, our host moms, and chaperons. The rest of the night was polishing routines and figuring out where we move on different nights. Once again we got out early and were back by 7:30. This is a nice change from Miss Delaware last night were we were there from 7 to 11 almost every day. This evening I've just been going through pictures with my host family and relaxing. We've got an early day tomorrow and a lot of rehearsing to do. Hopefully my feet will last me until the end of next week!
Until tomorrow <3
Janemarie